Pain doesn’t need to be fixed, it needs to be tended to.
Let me explain.
First: Pain is a natural part of being human.
But, the dominant culture wants us to believe pain is not normal or natural. In fact, the dominant culture will even tell us that being in pain is wrong. Or that something is wrong with you for being in pain.
In my personal and professional life, I experience quite the opposite.
One of the most natural parts of being human is experiencing pain. If you ask the person next to you if they’ve ever experienced pain they will likely say, “yes absolutely” and will have several stories to tell you about their pain.
Humans experience a variety of pain. The pain humans experience can be emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual. Sometimes multiple types of pain are experienced at the same time. Pain can stay with someone for a few moments or it can stay for decades or even a lifetime.
There’s no rhyme or reason why pain shows up; only that it does. A lot of times people can’t pin point what caused their pain. All of a sudden…the pain appeared. People make guesses until they’re blue in the face as to what caused the pain, and they will ask my professional opinion, but rarely are we capable of knowing it’s exact source.
At least not without spending time tending to the pain.
Second: Pain is Stressful
Even though pain is a natural and normal part of being human, being in pain is and can be extremely stressful. The stress of being in pain takes a toll. It takes a toll on one’s livelihood, on one’s relationships, on one’s nervous system, on one’s ability to experience joy, work take care of themselves. The list goes on and on, especially for folks experiencing chronic types of pain.
Then there’s the pressure from self and others to not be in pain, to be over your pain (no matter what the pain is), to be stronger than the pain, to be healed “by now”, to keep quiet about it, etc. etc.
This type of stress and pressure from the outside world adds another layer of pain called suffering.
Suffering is a form of stress. Suffering adds to an already difficult situation. While it is common and normal to suffer, suffering is the aspect of pain that is largely unnatural and the part of the experience that is (in my experience) optional.
For example, if I choose to view my pain as part of my current experience rather than something that requires fixing, the suffering naturally dissipates. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m experiencing pain, but it lessens the amount of stress that I experience if I believe the pain shouldn’t be happening.
Instead of thinking “this pain shouldn’t be here”, I witness the pain that’s part of my current experience. I do what I can to feel it, acknowledge it, and let it express what it needs to express. This (in my experience) eliminates nearly all of the unnatural bits of being in pain (the suffering that can come along with it).
While I believe it’s natural to wish to avoid pain, this sentiment seems primarily influenced by the prevailing cultural perspective. This dominant viewpoint suggests that we ought to quickly overcome our pain and that lingering pain indicates something is wrong with us, rather than recognizing that it is a valid experience in itself.
How we manage pain significantly influences the course of the pain experience.
Since pain is natural, it doesn’t need to be fixed in the way we think it does.
Rather, pain needs to be tended to so the body can heal pain in its own time. Pain needs to be felt, expressed, seen and honored. Tending to pain looks and feels much different than fixing pain. The intention of tending to pain looks more like inviting pain in to have seat at the table. Listening to it and honoring it for what it is: a natural response to being a vulnerable human being.
Third: Experiencing pain doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you are human.
Maybe this pain has lingered for a long time, and the last thing someone wants to do is acknowledge it; nonetheless, pain must be honored, felt, heard, observed, and expressed for healing to commence.
How would it feel to release the idea, just for one moment, that your pain is wrong and shouldn’t be here (even though it is)?
Tending to pain doesn’t mean we don’t seek support through medicines, therapies and the like. No. It means we find therapies and medicines that support us in our efforts to tend to the pain. As we tend to the pain we honor the body’s inherent ability to heal itself.
How Bodywork can Help
Bodywork and nervous system support focus on aiding the process of managing pain. Many individuals turn to massage as a way to alleviate discomfort. While bodywork can indeed help alleviate pain, it is not specifically designed to cure it. Instead, bodywork aims to guide your nervous system into a state of relaxation, enabling your body to start its own healing process. The body inherently possesses the ability to heal itself; nevertheless, due to a prevailing cultural mindset that undervalues this capacity, we often resort to quick fixes, which disrupt the body’s natural healing mechanisms and hinder recovery. When the body enters a state of relaxation, its capacity to heal pain is significantly enhanced.
The next time you’re experiencing pain, no matter the type of pain, see what you can do to tend to the pain by honoring, witnessing, and expressing rather than “fixing” or getting rid of the pain.
And then tell me, what do you think of this unpopular opinion?
