4 Myths on Speaking up During a Massage: From a Trauma-Informed Perspective.

As someone who is on the giving and receiving end of massage and bodywork, I know firsthand how difficult it can be to speak up during a massage.

It has taken me a long time to get comfortable with it and as I’ve learned how to communicate better with clients over the past 11 years, I’ve found new ways to communicate better with my practitioners (if and when I need to).

This article will clarify how to communicate effectively with your massage therapist and where the power truly lies in the client – practitioner relationship. This article takes into consideration folks recovering from trauma and the importance of safety and trust in the massage office.

First I’ll cover 4 myths related to speaking up during a massage session and then I’ll review some common adjustments massage clients should proudly speak up about without feeling bad or awkward.

4 Myths

Myth #1: Talking should be kept to a minimum during massage therapy sessions.

Truth: There’s no hard and fast rule on this. Some talking is necessary, especially in the first session. Talking can enhance the process because checking in about pressure, for example can improve the quality of your experience.

Other things to note. Some therapists communicate a lot throughout their work and it’s part of their process. If you don’t like that approach, then you’d want to choose someone who doesn’t talk or engage your input throughout the process. Some therapists talk about their personal lives with clients and that’s not appropriate. Again, if this happens and you don’t like it, you can either ask them to not talk during your session, or find a different therapist who’s approach resonates with you.

Other therapists talk very little if at all. I think there should be a happy medium. The minimum is to communicate about depth of pressure and other preferences such as temperature. Additionally, prior to the treatment the therapist should open up the lines of communication and explain the importance of speaking up during the massage. They should highlight the various things that they want you to communicate about (more on that below).

In summary, massage sessions shouldn’t be completely silent, but sometimes they are once you’re an established client and that’s what you’re needing/wanting.

Myth #2: The therapist is the authority on what happens during a massage session because they’re the practitioner/expert.

Truth: You are the authority on what happens during a massage session because you are the expert of you and your body.

Consider that you are in a vulnerable position when you go in to receive a massage from a new therapist. You are lying naked (or close to it) on a massage table under a sheet and blanket in a new place with a person you just met touching your body. Receiving a massage is a vulnerable thing and often just getting on the table is anxiety provoking. It’s normal to feel nervous because even if you read the therapist’s website or a friend referred you to them, you still don’t know what to expect when working with someone new. So, having some nerves is totally normal.

Which is why it’s critical that you feel empowered to speak up, make requests, and/or end the session if you want or need to. The power is in your hands. You are the authority. However, it is essential that this truth is communicated at the start of the session by the therapist where trust is first established. You cannot be expected to speak up without the therapist communicating with you first. That is their job.

Myth #3: If something doesn’t feel good, you should muscle through it.

Truth: If the pressure is too much to the point of causing pain it is best to ask for less pressure than to muscle through it.

This goes along with Myth #2. A lot of times clients think the “therapist knows best” or they don’t want to appear “weak” by asking for less pressure, but you are in your body on the receiving end and if you’re not enjoying the work then the work won’t be effective in my experience. Or worse, you may suffer an injury. In summary, if something doesn’t feel good or it’s too much pressure this is a really great time to speak up and ask for less. Sometimes I’ll just say one word like “ouch” or I’ll move my body slightly away from the therapist’s hands to get their attention so they get the message that it’s too much.

Myth #4: It’s the client’s job to speak up if they want more or less pressure.

Truth: Yes and it’s the therapist’s job to communicate effectively and check in with your comfort level.

This one can sometimes be tricky to navigate especially when you meet with a massage therapist for the first time.

In my opinion, the job of communication lies in the hands of the massage therapist. It is their duty to open up the lines of communication. After your initial interview with your therapist you should feel comfortable with speaking up during the massage and trust that they will check in with you giving you plenty of opportunities to share how things are going.

That’s it for the myths.

Here are 6 things I’d encourage you to speak up about during a massage without feeling bad or awkward:

1. Depth of pressure. If at any point during your massage you need more or less pressure, you have the authority and right to ask for more or less.
2. The music. If it’s too loud, too quiet, or the type of music is annoying the heck out of you…you can ask for it to be adjusted.
3. Your temperature. If you’re too hot or too cold, I’d like to know.
4. The amount of oil/lotion being used/not used. This depends on the style of massage, but if its uncomfortable, speak up and it will be adjusted.
5. The lighting. Too bright or too dark? I can make adjustments for this too!
6. Ending the session before the designated end time of the massage. Yup, you can do that and I will respect it.

The moral of the story is, as a client and receiver of massage you are the boss of you and what happens to you/your body. I will do my best to create a safe space built on trust and empathy where you feel comfortable to share feedback and/or ask for adjustments according to your comfort level without any hard or awkward feelings.

If you’re interested in working with a trauma-informed massage therapist consider booking a session with me! You can do so online right here.